5 Things to not miss about St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin…Â
- Knackers drinking in St Stephen’s Green. Hiding their cans, tobacco and hash under a dunnes stores bag, using their fashion accessory crutch to stop it all from blowing away.
- The toilets in Burger King. Any Burger King.
- Walking anywhere. Trying to trudge through the pile-up of squashed chip butties, vomit, discarded novelty wigs, green confetti, blood and the suds of a washing-up-liquid-ified version of the Floozy in the Jacuzzi.
- Temple bar.
- People with “Kiss me i’m Irish” t-shirts. Or comicly large hats. What an annoying shower of spanners they all are.
5 Things to miss about St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin
- Knacker-drinking in Stephen’s Green. Hiding your can under your back pack and looking scornful in the direction of actual knackers whenever the guards come around…
- Images that will provide both amusement and nightmares for the next year. “There is no more depressing sight in life than a grown woman in a leprechaun suit in tears with mascara running down her face.” More of the same here…
- Getting excited about the McDonalds “Shamrock shake”. Then you buy one, take a slug and remember just how shit they taste.
- A day off! In canada public holidays really suck. With the exception of Canada Day, it’s like they feel the need to reward vague, mundane concepts – ‘Labour’, ‘Family’, ‘Queen Victoria’. Yawn. And almost all of these fall on a Monday. Never under-estimate the importance of the midweek holiday…
- Parades that aren’t in Dublin. Have you ever wanted to see a sombre procession of all the fire engines in thurles? The combine harvesters of Ardee? The camogie team from Ringaskiddy? Well don’t go near the shiny professional parades that you’ll find in Dublin, Chicago, London or New York. Just go rural! Hell most of them won’t have any crowd barriers so any revellers can just join in at any point.
To close, here are some hastily compiled images in keeping with the theme of the day…